Painfully human

heartbreak, let-downs, disappointments, and broken promises.
It is painful to be human. It is painful because humans are wrought with conflicting emotions. And there will always be people who, intentionally or unintentionally hurt us.

There are many things we can do in order to ensure that our manners, characters, and actions reflect what is taught by our religion, but what can we do when those around us don't act in the same way? What can we do when, even though we try to treat everyone around us well, we end up abused, hurt, and upset by others? We've all heard we should "Treat others how we wish to be treated."-but what can we do even when we treat others how we want to be treated, they don't treat us in the same way? Should we instead just treat others how they treat us?
We could be over-sensitive, and continue analyzing what people say or do. We could even take the route foolish people take and try to get back at those who have hurt us. But these choices will not lead to any change in the person you are dealing with, nor will they help you to reconcile and seek inner peace: Buddha said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." 

"Why didn't God create all humans good?"
Well, to answer that question, He did. Allah سبحانه وتعالى created us all good. But He gave us free will, so that opens up the opportunity for corruption, thus allowing each and every one of us the potential for great good and great evil. Man is made out of clay, so he is mold-able, changeable, he can be easily influenced. Therefore, because of the corruption of this world some humans cease to be good and this is part of our test.
 وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ ۗ وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ بَصِيرًا
We have made some of you as a trial for others: will ye have patience? For Allah is One Who sees (all things) (Quran 25:20)

If everyone could live in fairness, kindness, and harmony life would cease to be difficult, because our biggest difficulty is keeping the ties of goodness between one another. It is not always easy to deal with other people-if it was, where would the test be? Sometimes people may treat you badly, upset you, or disrespect you but our test is in how we treat them in return, how we deal with injustice when we face it.
We should seek whenever possible to make excuses for those who wrong us, and not be quick to judge.:

عن البيهقي عن حمدون القصار قال إِذَا زَلَّ أَخٌ مِنْ إِخْوَانِكُمْ فَاطْلُبُوا لَهُ سَبْعِينَ عُذْرًا فَإِنْ لَمْ تَقْبَلْهُ قُلُوبُكُمْ فَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ الْمَعِيبَ أَنْفُسُكُمْ

Al-Bayhaqi reported: Hamdun Al-Qassar said, “If one of your brothers commits an error, then seek seventy excuses for him. If your hearts do not accept it, then know that the fault is with yourselves.”

We can't control others actions, but we can control our reactions towards them. If you condition yourself to not be affected by others, you will come to realize that the only one who has control of your emotions and feelings is yourself. When we get mad at someone, we may speak unkind words to them, we may even shout and yell, we may allow it to consume our thoughts and think about them much longer than necessary. You may think you are mad at the person, but if you go back and analyze what really made you upset, you will find that your reaction escalated the situation and made you more upset than the actions done by others.

In advising words to wives, The Prophet of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said
“I also saw the Hell-fire and I had never seen such a horrible sight. I saw that most of the inhabitants were women.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! Why is it so?” The Prophet replied, “Because of their ungratefulness.” It was asked whether they are ungrateful to Allah. The Prophet said, “They are ungrateful to their companions of life (husbands) and ungrateful to good deeds. If you are benevolent to one of them throughout the life and if she sees anything (undesirable) in you, she will say, ‘I never had any good from you.’"
This is a hadith that is often misunderstood and many people forget the context of this hadith, you can read more about this hadith to completely understand it, but I'm referencing the part in bold.
It's addressing the occurrence when a wife, after becoming upset by something, suddenly forgets everything good that her husband has ever done. This is addressed to women, because being the more emotional gender they are more susceptible to reacting this way; men may be more able to maintain calm rationale and logic during times of heightened emotion. But it still contains a good lesson, whatever your gender and whoever you may be dealing with, not just spouses but anyone else you deal with in life. The lesson is that we shouldn't allow one moment to color our entire reality and judgement, being completely influenced by our emotions in a way that makes us forget everything good done by a person.
The thing we all have to remember is people are painfully human, we are all inclined to make mistakes, but just because someone may do something bad, doesn't mean they are bad. And if we've seen much good from a person, we shouldn't be mean towards them or change our opinion about them because of one mistake. Just because someone has a flaw doesn't mean they are defined by that flaw: we need to be more considerate in our judgments of other people and realize, just like we deal with many difficulties or our own, everyone we deal with in life is experiencing more than what we see on the surface. Everyone has hidden difficulties, insecurities, and battles they are dealing with. Each person is dealing with much more than the volume of the conversation or interaction we are having, and people's actions are more driven by their inner feelings and state of mind than they are by their feelings towards me and whatever I have said and done. How people treat you says more about them than it does about you so try not to let others affect you so much.

There will always be painful feelings, because without the bad, we would never know it when we feel good. Would you know how something sweet tastes if you've never tasted anything bitter? Why do people like drinking coffee while eating chocolate? Because the bitterness accentuates the sweetness.

When we react to negativity, we are hurting ourselves, disturbing our inner peace and creating unnecessary mental pain. The negativity of others is a reflection of their inner state, try to understand and help others to reconcile with that inner trouble instead of pushing their negativity back on to them.

وَلَا يَأْتَلِ أُولُو الْفَضْلِ مِنْكُمْ وَالسَّعَةِ أَنْ يُؤْتُوا أُولِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَالْمُهَاجِرِينَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ۖ وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَنْ يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen those in want and those who have left their homes in Allah's cause: let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful. (24:22)

وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِيبَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ

          وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ

The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one which is better, then lo! he, between whom and thee there was enmity will become a close friend.
But none is granted it save those who are steadfast, and none is granted it save the owner of great happiness. (41:34-35)

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَضِلَّ أَوْ أُضَلَّ، أَوْ أَزِلَّ أَوْ أُزَلَّ،أَوْ أَظْلِمَ أَوْ أُظْلَمَ أَوْ أَجْهَلَ أَوْ يُجْهَلَ عَلَيَّ

O Allah, I seek refuge with You from misguiding others or being misguided, or slipping or making others slip, or wronging others or being wronged, or being ignorant or being made ignorant.

All correct and beneficial knowledge is from the mercy and guidance of Allah, and I apologize for all incorrect information which is an unintentional error only from myself. And Allah knows best.

 والله أعلمُ بالـصـواب

Islam is a restrictive religion?

They asked me about freedom.

We're meant to be free they say

but they forget the limitations

they forget that evil exists

within these temptations.

Little value do they place

upon the virtue of devotion

simply run by their own whims

and the drive of their emotions.

If freedom is what you desire

then you won't be deprived

but know the day will come

when you cease to feel alive.

If they never told you

what life was meant to be

how would we judge

who is oppressed and who is free?

If they never told you

what to wear and how to look,

wouldn't you spend more time

bettering your mind by reading books?

If they never told you

"You only live once,"

would you waste this life away

in the pursuit of having fun?

If they never told you

there’s no such thing as sin

would you take the risk

to corrupt your soul within?

And what if I told you

there is a different way to be.

Unchain yourself from your desires

And you will know what freedom means.

They asked me about freedom

within the confines of their cage.

What a skewed view of freedom

we hold in this day and age.

أَفَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَٰهَهُ هَوَاهُ وَأَضَلَّهُ اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ وَخَتَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِهِ وَقَلْبِهِ وَجَعَلَ عَلَىٰ بَصَرِهِ غِشَاوَةً فَمَن يَهْدِيهِ مِن بَعْدِ اللَّهِ أَفَلَا تَذَكَّرُونَ

"Have you seen someone who has taken his passion as his god? God knowingly lets him go astray and seals off his hearing and his heart, and places a covering over his eyesight. Who will guide him instead of God? Will you not reflect [on this]? "(45:23)

If you claim that Islam is a restrictive religion then I would have to say: you're right! But let's ask this question: is restriction always a bad thing? Modern thinkers tend to insinuate that it is, but I would claim differently. When health, happiness, peace, and contentment (and most importantly-the love of Allah سبحانه وتعالى ) are the results from such restrictions, then they can bring us nothing but good.
Nuns and monks restrict themselves from marriage, certain types of fresh fruit, and various other worldly luxuries, in order to devote themselves to the worship of God. On the contrary, in Islam, we know that Allah doesn't ask us to restrict ourselves from such things, it is possible to live a balanced and enjoyable life, while still devoting yourself to Allah. We only restrict ourselves from that which will corrupt our heart. In doing so, we raise ourselves to fulfilling our purpose, to returning ourselves to the fitra (nature) intended by Allah, and fighting the outside sources which may harm this fitra.

When you ignore the warning signs, you only
end up hurting yourself

What you need to understand is that the rules and regulations set forth in Islam are not for Allah's benefit:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ أَنتُمُ الْفُقَرَاءُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ هُوَ الْغَنِيُّ الْحَمِيدُ
"O men! It is you, who stand in need of God, whereas He alone is self-sufficient, the One to whom all praise is due." (Quran 35:15)
These "restrictions" are for our own benefit, and whether or not we follow them, it doesn't affect Allah سبحانه وتعالى in any way. 
"O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. " (Hadith Muslim) Read full hadith here

Why is it that many of us are willing to follow the rules and restrictions society puts on us? As is the case in any civilized society, there are certain norms we all unquestioningly conform to. Yet we question and refute the restrictions religion places on us in order to claim ourselves as intellectuals.
Someone who does not have control of his physical actions, does not restrict himself from anything, how can that person attain control over his spiritual soul?
These rules are rather given to us in order to raise us to a higher level of being, a higher state of consciousness. In order to become the master of our own nafs, and not let our nafs become our master.
"When a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure." -Viktor Frankl
Doesn't anyone preparing for an intense exam need to restrict his leisure time and relaxation time?
Doesn't a training athlete need to restrict certain foods and certain activities, sticking to a strict regimen?
Don't we every day, put on sunscreen when we go outside, to restrict our exposure to harmful UV rays on our skin? Aren't we always warned 'Don't stand next to the microwave' in order to minimize our exposure to radiation?
Similarly, if we seek to attain spiritual growth and closeness to Allah, isn't it logical to assume, certain restrictions must be observed?
Anyone who has a goal, aim or purpose in life must inevitable restrict themselves in some things. And the one who has no purpose, will see no value in restricting anything.
Restriction: if done for the purpose of preventing harmful things from assaulting your soul is always a good thing. Would anyone argue that preventing someone from ingesting poison is a bad thing? This is another problem of our over emphasis on the physical world. Of course we agree with restricting physical poison because we can see the results in front of us.. But just because we can't see the corruption, disintegration, and the rotting heart as we would see a human carcass, just because we can't see the effects of spiritual poison doesn't make it any less real. it manifests its effects in other ways. Through our emotions, feelings, and actions, and they will manifest themselves on the Day of Judgement.
"Blessed are those who believe in their Lord, although they cannot see him."
Allah سبحانه وتعالى even mentions it: we cannot see Him. And we also can't see the effects of the many spiritual poisons which exist. Yet we know they exist because Allah has warned us about them, and through our own spiritual growth and reflection, we become internally aware of their effects as well.
Non-believers claim that these religious people who "restrict everything" are closed minded. Let me ask you something: What is more closed minded, to believe in the unseen, or to have a rigid narrow view of what is real and true? It seems to me that the one who believes in what he cannot see is more open-minded than the one who needs rigid data and evidence for everything he believes. And for those to whom evidence convinces him, Islam is not devoid of that. How else can you explain the many scientists and researchers who have converted to Islam?
If someone came up to us, and told us the building was on fire, we would all most likely rush out without any question, we don't need to wait to see the evidence for ourselves, because the threat of physical danger is at stake. We unquestioningly have faith in the word of a person, yet when our Creator has told us something is harmful for us, be it alcohol, intermixing, being shameless or listening to music, we never cease our questioning. We take the risk of spiritual (and eternal) danger because for some reason, our human minds don't agree with our Lord's decision to prohibit something. Do I have any right to question the commandment of Allah? And, even when we approach these restrictions, not from the direction of blind faith, but from practical and logical views, we will almost always see their truth and see that such things are for our benefit.  But in order see such things, one must approach the subject with an open mind, and a heart ready to accept Allah's decree. There is a big difference between questioning something in order to understand Allah's decree (this makes us better believers) and questioning whether or not something is right or wrong.

وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ ۖ وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَرِيدِ

"Now verily, it is We who have created man, and We know what his innermost self whispers within him: for We are closer to him than his jugular vein." (50:16)

Allah knows what temptations will trigger evil within us, and what restrictions will aid us in achieving good. ANd it is for this reason such restrictions were put in place.
God created us, and He created us with the potential for great good or great evil.

وَإِذْ قَالَ رَبُّكَ لِلْمَلَائِكَةِ إِنِّي جَاعِلٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ خَلِيفَةً ۖ قَالُوا أَتَجْعَلُ فِيهَا مَنْ يُفْسِدُ فِيهَا وَيَسْفِكُ الدِّمَاءَ وَنَحْنُ نُسَبِّحُ بِحَمْدِكَ وَنُقَدِّسُ لَكَ ۖ قَالَ إِنِّي أَعْلَمُ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

And when thy Lord said unto the angels:"Behold, I am about to establish upon earth one who shall inherit it." They said: "Wilt Thou place on it such as will spread corruption thereon and shed blood - whereas it is we who extol Thy limitless glory, and praise Thee, and hallow Thy name?" [God] answered: "Verily, I know that which you do not know." (2:30)

We are different from the angels in that we have intellect, we have understanding and we have our own free will. But unlike the angels, we are also created with distinct weaknesses, If we are to fulfill our purpose, if we are to return to the fitra created by Allah, then we need to view restrictions, not in a negative connotation, but view them for what they are: tools given to us by Allah in order to help us on our journey. One enters upon an examination, not knowing what exactly he will be tested on or what techniques the teacher wants him to use exactly. Yet in the Dunya, the test is really simple- Allah provides us with an "open-book" test in which we have all the resources, aid, and help available to us at all times! We know what we will be tested on and we know exactly how to succeed, the only difficulty lies in putting what we know into action. We can even ask the "teacher" (Allah سبحانه وتعالى) to help us to find the answers. Allahu Akbar.

When discussing some Islamic matters, a person brought up this point: "Why does Allah need us to sacrifice things which are so petty and insignificant? Why do I have to do something as petty as cover my hair? Why can't I be friends with those of the opposite gender or drink alcohol? As long as I believe in Islam and Allah, why does it matter?"
My response to this is: If you deem things such as this to be petty (I don't think they are), then why can you not sacrifice something so small and insignificant? If the result is gaining reward from Allah and being granted Jannah, shouldn't you be able to sacrifice something so small for a reward which is so great? Prophet Abraham was willing to sacrifice his own son. Shouldn't we be thankful that Allah tests us in ways which are really so small? And someone who takes the care and control to stay away from haram things will see that as time goes on, Allah will make it easier for him and he will eventually have no desire to partake in haram. It will become ugly in his eyes. So instead of questioning what Allah has ordered from us, shouldn't we question our own selves and why we are not willing to sacrifice such things?

As we know from the ayah mentioned above, even the angels asked: "Will you create something which will spread corruption and bloodshed in the land?" And we can see that this is the state of mankind currently, spreading corruption. Because we have not upheld the restrictions that are intended for us.
Atheists claim that morality is something which has evolved in human nature: that we don't need religious instruction and restrictions in order to be moral and altruistic. The problem with claiming humans don't need religion to be moral is that each human may define morality by their own skewed standard-or loosen the boundaries as fits their personal vendetta. If everyone were left to define morality for themselves, we would be left with many conflicting ideas, and some would only define it in a way that suits themselves.
Even with the presence of religion, some people view morality in a skewed way. Is it "moral" to say that no one is without sin because we carry the sins of our parents Adam and Hawa (Adam and "Eve")? Is it moral that Hindu women according to their religion are not allowed to eat dinner until after their husband has finished and decides to give her some scraps from his plate? Or that in the case of her husband's death, many widows are forced by her in-laws to burn herself on her husband's funeral pyre?
Even in Islam, we see many of the corrupt people blurring lines and misinterpreting parts of our religion to meet their own means. (Examples such as these are the reasons they give for the argument that we don't need religion, that it isn't successful in bringing about a moral society; but what they fail to realize, that this is NOT an example of religion failing to bring about a moral society, this is an example of religion not being followed in the correct way. Evil exists despite the presence of religion, not because religion is not perfect but because we as humans are imperfect and flawed.) Humans are not inherently moral and we need adherence to religion in order to bring this about. Without true adherence to religion, corruption and injustice will continue to live on.

People claim human morality is enough, well it's not. We need certain guidelines and restrictions. Islam was not brought under the guise of Utopia, it deals with real issues which we see people facing all around us, issues which, since many have relinquished religions guidance, we are struggling to deal with. Such as, the growing rate of poverty, homelessness, teenage pregnancies, children being abandoned, the growing divorce rate, the growing harm done by drunk driving and the emotional and physical abuse alcoholics commit against their families, the crisis of psychological disorders becoming more and more common, and many more issues that are not being addressed correctly.
Morality does not develop independently, devoid of any other factors. A person is only as moral as the environment he develops in.
Anyone who understands the psychology behind either Freud's theory of Id, Ego, and SuperEgo, or the Islamic psychology of the Fitra, Rooh, and the Nafs will know that humans with no control, no regulations, will follow only primitive and instinctive desires. Though the two theories differ (the Islamic theory being the correct one) they both have the same ultimate conclusion.

When we put our own whims and desires, convenience and comfort above the rules of Allah, we become akin to animals, who know of nothing else but their desires. Allah describes the people who follow their desires to be worse than cattle. Why even worse than cattle? Because cattle will sense and flee when they sense approaching danger, yet as humans, we indulge in the very things we know may be dangerous to our souls! And cattle, have no choice but to live their life as they were created, grazing, etc. Yet humans often will deny their purpose and live their lives in ways Allah has not intended.

So, back to our original question: Is restriction a bad thing? Just as we would restrict things which are poison and harmful to our physical bodies, just as a person with allergies must restrict those ingredients from his diet, we must also restrict that which is poisonous to our spiritual self.
Islam restricts certain things and demands morality not because it's a religion full of rules, but because these rules will help return us to our natural fitra, which is inclined to good. And we restrict ourselves from all that will contaminate and harm it.

It is our own self-destructive actions, and not the guidance
of Allah, which chains and cages us.
Drawing by Ashish Kumar Rudra

If you think that following these restrictions will hold you back from fulfilling and enjoying your life to its full potential then know that the opposite is true, if we were to abide by Allah's laws, we would be able to enjoy all that is good and halal, without carrying the guilt, unhappiness, and doubt that comes along with following the haram, we would achieve a greater harmony in our lives because our actions would be in accordance to the pure fitra that Allah has intended. 
You'll feel more freedom serving Allah than you will ever feel from simply obeying yourself. Don't confine yourself to the cage of your desires, realize where the source of true freedom lies.
The mistake they make when defining freedom, they define it simply as being free from religious rules. But they are still oppressed by following society, the pain and turmoil that comes from involving yourself in sin. When I free myself from these things, when I free myself from anything that harms my soul, this is when I feel true freedom.

مَنْ كَانَ يُرِيدُ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا نُوَفِّ إِلَيْهِمْ أَعْمَالَهُمْ فِيهَا وَهُمْ فِيهَا لَا يُبْخَسُونَ

أُولَٰئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَيْسَ لَهُمْ فِي الْآخِرَةِ إِلَّا النَّارُ ۖ وَحَبِطَ مَا صَنَعُوا فِيهَا وَبَاطِلٌ مَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَ

"Those that desire this life...nothing shall be denied them, but in the life to come they shall have nothing but hellfire. There they shall come to know that their deeds were fruitless and their actions were worthless. " (11:15)

All correct and beneficial knowledge is from the mercy and guidance of Allah, and I apologize for all incorrect information which is an unintentional error only from myself. And Allah knows best. والله أعلمُ بالـصـواب